synonyms for splendid, because splendid is splendid, but I say it too much

I wish that i could be wonderful all the time.
That energy could
-would
always-
emanate from me
like brilliant
dazzling
lavish
lustrous
radiant
resplendent
sumptuous bursts of light.

* post-posting note: my mind is so stuck in math...i read this poem over, and noticed that I had originally typed "radius" where the word "radiant" was supposed to be. How pathetic.

mush

Food for thought: Is it ever humanly possible to give someone your heart without also losing your mind? Bc that's one thing I'd really like to hang onto.

fuck forever. I want to fuck forever.

I.
I have such
a worry in my heart.
I'm scared to be abandoned.
I'm scared.
I don't want to be left
behind. Forgotten.
Don't want to feel that
I was just not good enough
for someone. Not quite right.
Didn't quite fit.

I don't want to blame you, but it didn't have to be this way. You didn't have to steal my forever but
you did.

How High

Waiting in the wings...the novice angel
blinks.

Is this what Heaven is?

It's almost like the Salem Witch Trials...almost.

The pressure on my chest is heavy,and I feel walled up, weighted down. It stacks and stacks and i find myself yearning that it might do as the wind--caress my skin from time to time. Light and airy it would disperse, floating around me, whispering "remember." But on it stacks, like leaden shingles, stacks itself in dense and unrelenting sheets upon my breast.
There is no rest
for me
right now.

I sorta kinda thought i knew

"Cool as shit" he said I was,
the smell of pot swirling through my hair,
his body gourmet to the senses.

I hope this doesn't depress you

I made up an inspirational quote about breaking up. It made one of my friends more sad, but I personally thought it made things sound promising? I don't know. Breaking up sucks no matter how you spin it. But here it is:

Breaking up means that you'll either find yourself, find someone else, or find eachother all over again.

Yes, the latter seems most appealing, but I suppose any of the above could hold great joys...I'm trying to be optimistic.

Forgive Me

I'm reading this book with a lot of beautiful twists and turns of the tongue.

I want to keep some of them.

"The view from the terrace...was unparalleled for its grandeur. I imagined what it might be like when the trees were in full bloom, or in the pride of early autumn when the foliage would be resplendently russet, vermilion, and gold..."

"...the humble efforts of my busy pen."

"Now and again I could make out a patch of blue muscling its way through the miasma, and I wished to be able to kiss it."

"In my view, sex without love was the greatest crime...I have always held that the woman who bestows her person where she can withhold her heart is the most culpable of beings."

"It would have been impossible for me not to notice at my elbow the dashing coat of the Green Horse Troop, the tan breeches that clung like a lover to the stranger's muscled thighs..."

"Though we often scrabbled like a pair of cats, and he could wound me like no other on earth, he was also capable of exquisite tenderness and night after night had led me over the brink of sublimest ecstasy; and I could deny him nothing."

"...verse after verse sprang forth from my pen, each drop of ink a seedling of creation..."

Mmmmmmmmm...

One of the millions of reasons I love Sex and the City

"Why do I think living in Manhattan is so great??"
"Because it is."

i'm me, who you?

Okay, so I'm really thinking about this now.

There are definitely things that are worth changing about yourself. Sometimes, other people and being in a relationship specifically, can really key you into some major issues about yourself and the way you deal with other people.

But where is the limit of what you change?

I mean I guess it depends on the person and what seems reasonable and beneficial to the person doing the adjusting. But that can be a tough call.

I don't want to be the kind of person who says "I am who I am and that's it." I don't want to close myself off to improving who I am, because if you're not growing, what are you?

But I don't want to take everything that other people don't like about me too seriously. There will always be someone who doesn't like something about you. How do you know when to remain steadfast and dedicated to your way of doing things, and when to take another way of being into consideration?

Maybe the trial and error is just one of the things that makes the journey...such a journey. And maybe...more fun and interesting.

Or maybe it's really tough and I'm just a hopeless optimist :)

I think I need a cat

I write a lot in the realm of philosophy, and love to expand my mind by exploring areas not made of everyday matter.

But sometimes, I have to wonder about other things--areas that daily elude and admittedly frustrate me.

I have been single for a short time--miniscule, actually--but I'm already getting the sense that "the game" is not merely a phrase, but an actuality.

From what I have found in my attempt to thwart the affections of guys whose attentions I am either unready for or undesiress of, guys love when you are, quite frankly, a complete bitch.

I am usually, dare I say it, a pretty sweet person. I love making people happy, even at my own expense. Yet it seems that, particularly in relationships, this is the ultimate coup de grace. It is a trait that gets you not only nowhere, but less than that. It gets you unappreciated, and treated badly, often which, for people like me, causes an even greater attempt to make the other person happy, due to the unignorable awareness of their unhappiness. All of this leading to heartbreak.

Am I pathetic? It hurts me that I feel the need to ponder this question in the least. How...why...in what world should it be pathetic to be a genuine and caring person? I'm not saying that I have no backbone--I do. I stand up for myself; no, Mama didn't raise no fool. I just simply like doing nice things. I like being able to tell my significant other how I feel about them. I enjoy surprising him by doing little things to make his life a bit easier every so often.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, and "love out loud," as they say. I feel things deeply, see beyond the exterior, appreciate quirky traits that could easily go unnoticed. I don't hold anything back, and yes, sometimes I like to tell him that the smell of his skin gives me butterflies.

Is this wrong?

Apparently so. Apparently, in fact, it is the complete opposite of what guys actually want. Strange as it seems, and perhaps unbeknownst to them, they like it rough. Really rough.

When guys talk to me now, I don't exactly welcome it. I simply don't need or care for it right now. And yet, this is exactly the fuel to their fires!

Am I simply dealing with some really immature guys...or is this a built-in flaw to the "dating game," because if so, excuse my french, but fuck it.

I can't stand the thought that I should have to purposely and willfully attempt to be less than who I am and who I want to be for a guy. Is it too much to ask that there be some guy out there who I can actually (gasp!) be nice to? And who might appreciate it and do it back?

I don't want a perfect relationship--that would be boring. I'm not going for a June Cleaver sort of thing (gag). I know it's tough to make it work with someone, and that's what makes it rewarding at the end of the day. But why does it have to be cut-throat, strategic, and so full of bull-shit?

Why do nice girls finish last? Or, have I simply not reached the finish line yet...?

lesson # n

Even the fondest of memories
and moments
expire

...and life goes on.

when the lines have blurred, and i no longer know the difference

i wake up
to the foreign scent
of new love,

lingering like
yesterday's perfume
on my wrists

and I'm
still me.
and you're
still gone...

such woe to she
exposed
by the crushing soft
of dawn

myspacebarisbroken

I fixed it.

you should google them

I just read an article in National Geographic about a group of people who live in Tanzania. Scorned by their own government, looked down upon by their own people, they have a simple existence as some of the world's only remaining hunter-gatherers.

They are called the Hadza people, and their way of living is so profound in its simplicity that it got me thinking.

They have no religion. No plans, no schedules, calendars, or sense of the passing of time. They allow nothing to tie them down in any sense--there is no such thing as a marriage ceremony, they live off a patch of land until resources become scarce and then they move, and sentimentalities of nearly every kind simply do not exist. The Hadza do not have funerals, nor even burials. Women can leave their man as they please. And sleeping occurs not in the night, but whenever happens to be convenient.

These people seem to embody the lyrics of John Lennon's "Imagine" in ways that I never thought were possible in the real world. A nice dream it is, yes, to picture a world with "no posessions...above us only sky...." It'd be great to see "all the people living for today...nothing to kill or die for," but in reality? Seems kind of...imagined.

But though they may be few in number, there are people out there who live this beautifully frightening proposal as easily as they breathe, every single day.

In the "modern" world, most of us are so wrapped up in our day to day concerns, and all of our problems seem so big. But it is inspiring, to me, to know that there are so many different and varied ways to go about living one life. One single life may not feel like much in the scheme of things, but if we were to realize how many options we have for that set of 80 or so years, one life starts to take shape as what it really is--rich, incredible, and brimming with innumerable possibilities.

We're on a first-name basis, now

I probably shouldn't exactly be posting this online, but I want to think it through a little, so here goes.

I used to hate tattoos...but I changed my mind.

I've been thinking since summer of what I could possibly stand to see stamped on my body for the rest of forever (or until I have the money and incredible pain tolerance to get it removed), and have had a hard time.

I have two ideas...only one of which is an actual image.

It would be vines and organic shapes--flowers, leaves, no holds barred, the whole generic deal. But here's the slightly more original part. I want to intertwine mechanical parts throughout the foliage. Cogs, gears, and machinery in general.

I drew up some ideas, and it looks pretty sweet--cogs double as flowers, etc etc. I still have way more work to do on it though. And I insist upon coming up with the entire thing, start to finish,on my own.

Any input would be greatly unappreciated (:

recycled lyrics are worth it

"i am
captivated, i am..."

the bus stop

I met a lady tonight.
Her name was Ann, and she told me the secret of life.

We were standing at the bus stop together, waiting for that 71A, and started talking, just to pass the time. I told her I was a little chilly, and a grandma in action in addition to looks, she pulled two tootsie rolls from her pocket.
"Here, these'll warm you up."
I hesitated, still obedient to that classic childhood lesson to never take candy from strangers.
"They're clean," she said, sensing my discomfort, and I took them from her, feeling silly, and placed them in my pocket.


I asked her where she was going. "Home," she replied.
She'd been out cake-shopping for her son's birthday. She said she lived pretty far, and had to transfer buses along the way.


I told her I went to Pitt; she said she had gone to Carlow.
"I was originially pre-med. You might think this is silly, but since my parents had a lot of kids, I changed to med-tech to save them the expense of school."


Ann told me that she grew up with six brothers, and that living with them had taught her that "men are just like us. They hurt, too."




Ann and I chatted for awhile. The bus was nowhere to be found.


She said she'd broken her femur bone once. I told her so had I.
Strange, the femur bone.
"It's the biggest bone in the body,you know," she said.
I did, I told her. She made me swear that I'd get a bone density test. I would, I told her.


"Do you want to hear a funny little story?" asked the woman standing at the bus stop with a cane in her hand and a lifetime of knowledge behind her.
"Sure,"I smiled.

One day not so long ago, Ann told me, her daughter, her fourth child, called her up to tell her thankyou.
"I didn't send you anything. Maybe it was one of your siblings..." she recalled her confusion at the seemingly random expression of gratitude.
But her daughter was not calling to thank Ann for a gift sent through the mail. But rather, she was calling to thank her mother for her strength. For living her life for her children, all those years, instead of for herself.
"I said it was no big deal," Ann went on. "I told her that it was never something I thought much about. I did it out of habit--it just felt natural," Ann shrugged with humility in the chilly autumn air.


She had lost her husband, and was forced to finish raising their five children alone. He'd been in an accident, and was paralyzed from the neck down. One day after church, she got the phone call, and had to decide in what hospital to place her husband.

"I didn't want to choose," she said.
But she had to. Ann visited her husband faithfully everyday at Saint Margaret's Hospital in Pittsburgh.

Ann was approached two separate times by two different priests from her church. The men were concerned that she'd be devastated when her husband died. The hospital had contacted the priests, saying that Ann seemed "too peppy"when she was at the hospital with her husband. They feared that she did not realize the seriousness of her husband's condition.

She did.

"Too peppy. What else would you be when you're visiting a sick person?" she pondered out loud to me.

Over her husband's three month stay in the hospital, Ann's bills skyrocketed. "They were millions," she said, and it didn't seem an exaggeration.

She said she felt blessed for the time she and her family had with him.
"God gave us the time to prepare. We knew we'd have to go on living without him," she said, and I sensed that she was still going at that task everyday.


To make that devastating time even harder on the family, Ann's son was in threat of being forced out of school, for having missed so much while home with his dying father.

So Ann went to school for him.

"We worked it out with the University, and I went to all the classes and took all the notes for him," she said.

"Wow," was all I could mutter.

"No, not 'wow," she continued. "The last thing you want to do when your husband is dying and your bills are piling up is go back to school," she chuckled, perhaps to avoid the alternative.
"But I knew I had to help him..."




"My daughter told me I should write a book," Ann changed the subject, shifting her bag and cane around to get more comfortable. We had been waiting for the bus now for what seemed almost an hour. "I barely have time to sit down, though!"
I looked in admiration at the vivacious woman before me.
"...Your book is just starting," she said to me, a mere child in comparison with herself.




Finally the bus came. It was crowded, and a man had to give up his seat in order for Ann to have somewhere to sit down. I stood across the aisle from her, hanging onto the support bar. I wondered if our conversation was over, silently hoping it was not.

"Can you fit over here by me?" she called out, doing her darndest to open up another seat where there was none. I gladly accepted, and squeezed in next to her. The lady on the other side of me leaned away, trying to make room.
"No, stay here, stay here," Ann said to her, reaching her arm out to the woman. She gestured to me "This girl's freezin'!"

I laughed to myself, enveloped by the warmth of the stranger and Ann, as I pulled a tootsie roll from my pocket.




My destination was nearing, and there was a question burning inside me. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, go ahead," she smiled, welcoming my question.
"How did you know you...wanted to marry your husband...?" I asked awkwardly, wondering inwardly if my own boy would meet whatever her criteria had been.
"You mean, how did I know he was the one?" she verified with me.
I nodded, anxious to hear her reply.


She said that it took her awhile to date him. She told him he was too young for her.
"He was persistent, though," Ann said. So eventually she accepted his offer to go out.

They got along well,and started to see one another regularly. One evening, he suggested they go to bowl with a league in town. She agreed, and they had a great time.

The next week, he suggested they go bowling again. She told him no, that she thought maybe he should go with someone else.
"I only wanted to go to be with you..." he had said, confused.
But Ann was adament.

"You have to be able to go places without eachother and feel comfortable," she said. "I told him to go, meet new people. I even tried coming up with other girls he might want to date," she continued.

I listened, perplexed, trying to take in all of what she was saying.

"In short, I let him go," Ann said.

She paused, and I remained quiet, pondering her response, much more nuanced and layered than I was expecting.

"Does that answer your question?"




Two stops past mine, I finally told Ann I had to go. I didn't want to leave her, this new friend of mine, but I knew I'd be hopelessly lost if I didn't get off the bus in a familiar area. But then, a part of me felt thatI'd be hopelessly lost without asking her just a few more questions...




Ann told me I was a lovely girl, and that she hoped she'd see me again, and I thought I caught a glimpse of youth still thriving in her eyes.

I reciprocated her kind words, and thanked the driver as I stepped down onto the sidewalk. I looked up into the bus window while turning to walk away, and saw her looking out at me.

She smiled, and I smiled back at her.

And then the bus doors closed, and Ann and I went our separate ways, both perhaps a little changed, I like to think.

The Chapel

Your footsteps caress the chapel floor
your somber form slides in
between the doubts
and faith
Consternation on your face
You pray

Hail Mary,
Full of Graces
Mother of
so many Faces
your chasm runneth away with me

I stand in the corner
holding my camera
I’m supposed to be taking pictures of
the chapel’s gleaming
architecture
But all I can see
is the arch of your back.

“Close your eyes
and pour your faith
into my hands; I am no man,”
You swear you can hear him speak.

As all that you know
That you don’t know,
Washes away beneath your feet.

untitled

I love the haze that hangs over new york city in the morning.
The taste
of soymilk flitting through my coffee.
I love the strangers in the airport--
the lights the sounds I love
Irish accents
and dark beer,
love
warm blankets, movies, stealing
parking cones
I love love love
I love
love
love
my dog;
hours upon hours in the library stacks.
I love
I love
I love love love just
adore
my guilty pleasures
Sex and the City
sex
and the city.
I don't love bus stops
that 71A, how it makes me wait.
I don't love
I don't love
I hate...
hate.

I'll have a side of philosophy with that calc homework, please

It's strange...
Now. It's something we can never capture. It is a gift only realized by some of the people, some of the time, and I have to wonder if even that many. Sometimes, it seems more difficult to enjoy the now if we spend too much of it trying to realize it, trying to soak it all in and live as if we were alive. And yet, sometimes it makes things all the more beautiful to realize--to take stock of things and look at the big picture for a second. Or revel in the little details, if only for a moment.

It is given to us every second of every day, and yet it constantly eludes us: now. We can capture the past (to some extent), in memories, photographs, recordings and the like. We can also capture something of the future, with technology and expectations.

Yet, in working to capture the past and the present, we miss the the thing that can never be captured. No, now cannot be recorded in some way, to have and to hold, but rather, it must simply be experienced. The only way to ever truly accept your gift of now is to live it, and occasionally stop for a moment and revel in what it feels like to be present.

Does this momentary nature make living more, or less, beautiful...?

I think it might make it a little scarier, a little more mysterious. Yet if there is a purpose to life's being this way, then I think it would be to make life better. You can't have worries if you live for the moment, and it's almost as if we're meant to enjoy.

Who knows? He who seals the answers in the breeze, and tucks them behind the clouds.

Alternative Uses For Condoms--For Those of us Who Aren't Getting Any

Being single is hard to do…especially when it means no dependable sex. But just because your mojo is going unused, that doesn’t mean your condoms have to. There are a virtual load of alternative ways to put those little rubber treasures to work that will have you feeling almost better in no time.

1.) Soft Drink Cozy—That Coca Cola feeling ever so slightly room-temperature? I don’t mean to sound like your mother, but—-you should’ve used a condom!

2.) Paperweight—That’s right; it’s simple: Step 1: Take condom, fill with shattered hopes and dreams of getting laid (sand will also work). Step 2: Smack that puppy onto your desk for a long night of, you guessed it, homework. Ohh yeeah.

3.) Finger Puppets—For all you creative types, condoms serve as an excellent canvas for some totally tubular characters. Note: some creations may look as though they have a mammoth tumor sprouting forth from their scalps. This can easily be trimmed with scissors.

4.) Change Purse—We’ve all been there. Nighttime, alone, in a shady part of town. Some of us, perhaps, have even been mugged--those of us, that is, who didn’t have our quarters stored safely in a lubed up condom. It’s a rare thug who can grab hold of such a tiny, slippery package.

5.) Automatic Tissue—Have allergies? Well, you needn’t worry about constantly keeping a tissue on hand if you’ve got a condom. Simply affix the outer ring to the skin around your nose (how? I don’t know. Do you want me to think of everything?)and each time you sneeze, WAMMO! It’s an automatic, inflatable mucus-magnet.

6.) Wind Sock—Everyone likes to know the weather, and also which direction that weather is heading. So slap a condom onto whatever stick you have handy, and let the blowing begin.

That is the end of my list, but you needn’t stop there. There are endless varieties of fun that can be had with poor, underestimated condoms—so often misjudged as suitable for mere sex. So remember, even if you are not using condoms for their prescribed purpose, you can still have fun. Just…not as much.

Vectors

Plaid shirts and expertly tousled hair congregate outside my window...the smell of vegetable soup wafting through the air~...

I'm trying out a new type of poetry now. Not to replace the old, but to complement it--stretch and rotate it, through the x's and holes...the exes and wholes; and halfs and everything in between.

But if I can speak in f's and x's, and f(x)'s, frontwards and backwards, from the origin of me; if I can tempt brilliance (when I don't come up empty), would you call me a traitor?

...or could I be
splendidly
multilingual?

Am I?

It seems that "I am." is the shortest sentence in the English language. Indeed.

Fly away from home

Wings, in fact. You have wings.

of boots and straps and such

I'm not here to pull you up. I'm here to remind you that you have arms.

I am

I am fragile--
fleeting beauty.
Warmth and flushing transcience,
I am.
Stretching
Pumping
Hoping
Knowing--that there is no
what is
supposed to be,
But only--
what is.
And in this moment,
this
pulsing here
this
rush of now
this ever-fatal state of
bliss--
I am.

I know it is not generally accepted as okay to explain the meanings of your poems...but anyway, here's what this one is about. Simply, it is trying to capture in a few lines what no person has ever been able to capture in any tangible way, that which some fail to even truly take notice of, and that is being alive. It is celebrating life, while also noting life's stark fragility.

Papa, Don't Preach

So I was sitting at this Thai restaurant in NYC and looking across the way, I noticed a small circular window through which a girl was visible. Only one side of her face was showing through the window, and most of that was covered by the glass that she was drinking from, leaving uncovered only one eye and some hair. I was struck by an interest in her, thinking that she looked like she’d be pretty. Most salient was the feeling that she looked like she really had it together—a sophisticated New Yorker, she seemed. I found myself intrigued and curious to see who she was, and as I put my glass down, I did just that—the window was not a window at all; it was a mirror. The girl was me.

Every word of that remarkable occurrence actually happened to me. I think that this story should serve as a reminder to me, and everyone who reads it, that we often don’t realize how beautiful, or smart, or “together” and “sophisticated” we really are. It’s hard to do so, but it is important to keep in mind that no matter how badly you might feel about any aspect of yourself, someone else is probably eyeing you through the window, wishing they could be even close to as awesome as you.

Cheesy lesson concluded.

To Living Happily Ever After

Love is such a mystery. It's so central to our lives, and yet I'd be willing to guess that maybe only a handful of people out there, if even that many, could honestly say they understand it. It seems like there is no one piece of advice, no set of rules that work for everyone. There is no key that unlocks a hidden world of romance where your one and only true love awaits you.
It seems that all we can do is guess, try, stumble around in the dark until we find someone who lights our fire, illuminating enough of that mysterious world to satisfy us for a lifetime.
And even though I know that there is no perfect equation, no proven method for making love work (despite the well-intentioned advice of many a friend), I still feel that I have grown wiser on the matter over the years.
And these are the things that I, personally, feel I have learned. Use some of them, all of them , or none of them; think them over and improve on them, or chuckle at them and go back to what you were doing before you wasted your time entertaining such absurd tomfoolery. It's your call--but isn't that the beauty of the journey?

ONE) I have made many relationship mistakes in the past, mistakes which I must try all the time to correct and keep corrected. That's why the first of many lessons I've learned is to keep track. Keep track of the things you'd like to change about the way you do things, the goals you have for bettering yourself and your relationship. Make a game plan, and then monitor yourself. Every few days at first, and then perhaps every week or so after you get used to it, do a quick check on yourself, honestly assessing your progress. I find that the only way for me to have success at doing this is to keep a journal. Some people don't need that--my boyfriend doesn't need to write anything down at all, and yet he is a literal expert at changing behaviors about himself that he finds unfavorable. However you do it, the key behind this activity is that you are not sitting idly by and expecting things to work out on their own--you are taking charge of the situation. That means you are 1.) unbiasely assessing yourself and how you do things, and making an honest judgment based on your and your significant other's observations (this in itself is a skill that it seems many people are hard-pressed to learn. Sometimes, it's good to consider that you do in fact have flaws rather than always being on the defensive when criticized) 2.) Creating a picture of who/how you want to be 3.) Making a plan to get there, and 4.) Sticking to your plan by continuing to check up on yourself. I've found that simple awareness and a willingness to become a better person can really turn things around in an otherwise ailing relationship.

A crucial note: Even more important as a first step than trying to improve on who you are in a relationship is trying to improve who you are as an individual. For example, I've struggled with jealousy in my relationships a lot. Rather than only trying to not be jealous, I've entertained the thought that perhaps the jealousy could root from insecurities within myself. Therefore, beyond just trying not to get huffy when my boyfriend is talking to another chick, I've tried to overall have a more positive attitude about myself and who I am, and realize that I have no reason to get upset over small things such as these.

TWO) Put the other person's needs ahead of your own. Disclaimer: I am by no means advocating that you become a doormat. Au contrair, my friend. I am, however, saying...basically, grow up. Let your boyfriend pick the movie without a fight. Or go to your girlfriend's favorite restaurant without a hassle. The song going through your head when you are with your gf or bf can be a range of great jams, running the gamut from Let's Get it On, to She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy. My personal opinion, however, is that it should not be the tune that goes something along the lines of "Mememememememememe." It's not all about you. Compromises are great, too. Sometimes, you just need to bite the damn bullet.

THREE) Being jealous will only push them away. Plus, it's just overall really unattractive.

FOUR) CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES. Sometimes, it's simply not worth it. Day to day battles can absolutely kill a relationship. They drain you. They take all the fun out of things. They make being together an unpleasant experience for you both, and if you allow them to happen all the time, you are starting a real downward spiral, in my opinion. Truthfully, don't most of the things that seem like such a big deal in the moment really end up seeming stupid later on? If only we could convince ourselves in the moment how stupid and irrelevant some things are, so much unnecessary conflict could be avoided. I'm not saying there aren't things worth voicing your disagreement over. I am, however, saying that, unless you're really with the wrong person, these things probably shouldn't happen on a daily basis. It's hard to know in the moment if it's worth it or not. I haven't figured this one out. The way I do it is, if I have given my boyfriend a hard time over something within the past few days, I try really hard to avoid making a big stink over something else soon after. I just try to space it out. This may seem silly, but it has actually helped me to avoid many a pointless argument. Another more simple way (which may sound melodramatic, but is actually quite true) is to, when you're about to blow your top over something, think to yourself "what's more important--making sure that he puts the toilet paper roll on the dispenser correctly, or the harmony and success of my relationsihp?" Should be a no-brainer.

FIVE)For God's sake, LISTEN to them! Listening is one of THE HARDEST skills, it seems, for people to master or even be slightly proficient at. How many times in a day do you have a conversation with someone, listen to them speak for five minutes solid, and have no idea what the hell they said afterward? I don't know if it is a natural survival technique that humans have developed over many years of evolution as a way to protect ourselves against boring anecdotes, stupid jokes, and overall pieces of worthlessness, in order to maintain a maximum amount of free space in our brains to use for such knowledge as who the finalists are on Dancing With the Stars or baseball stats from 1972, but somewhere along the line, it has begun to run amuck! We space out at crucial times, and it hinders not only our romantic relationships, but all of our relationsihps, not to mention our scholastic and business success. Why is listening so freakin hard!? I really don't know--I'm terrible at it. But I at least have realized this fact and have tried to come up with ways to get slightly less awful. Some of these include: closing my eyes when I'm on the phone, so as not to become distracted; staring at someone's face when they talk to me, avoiding all peripheral goodies such as flashing lights, passing cars, or television sets; mentally telling myself before a conversation that it is important for me to pay attention; trying to pick out 3 or 5 things in a conversatin that the other person said which I will focus on and remember. However you do it, it really is crucial. How good does it feel when you tell someone that you are going to go see a movie, and two days later, they ask you how it was, and even remember the name of it? Doing this for you bf/gf is a great and irreplaceable way of showing that you care. On the same token, not knowing about something they already told you about really hurts, not to mention pissess them off, rightfully so.

SIX) Don't be obsessive. Have your own life--that's why they fell in love with you in the first place. If you stop doing everything that makes you you just to have more time to hang out with them...well, you get the drift.

SEVEN) Be friends first--that's the basis upon which everything else is built, and that's what will be left when everything else gets old.

I could go on, and perhaps at a later time I will. But I'm getting sleepy, my contacts are blurring, and I have to pee. So I will leave you with what I consider one of THE MOST IMPORTANT lessons I have learned, and what I wish everyone would at least consider for themselves: Relationships are work. In addition to all of the butterflies and the romance and the fun times, there are terrible and heartwrenching and downright un-fun times. This does not mean that your relatinship is wrong. All it means is that the movies are wrong. And the fairytales. And probably everything you grew up thinking about realtionships (especially if you are a girl--pop culture really got us good). Maybe once in a blue moon it happens, but from what I can see, Prince Charming is never going to show up and sweep you off your feet. He might, however, roll over in the middle of the night and steal all your covers. What I'm trying to say is, in a nutshell, if you're waiting around for the perfect person, you're going to be waiting...forever. You're not perfect, and guess what? Neither is anybody else. Sometimes, you've just got to be willing to suck it up and give it a second try. And a 3rd try. And if you really love them and they really love you, maybe even a millionth try. Because a real life relationship is not bestowed upon everyone, it is earned by he (and she!) who is willing to work for it.

Shake Your Money-Maker

Benjamins. Cashola. Dolla dolla bills, ya'll. Is it really love that makes the world go 'round, or is it something a little more...George Washington-clad?
Money sucks. It seems we spend our lives chasing after it. For wants and needs and everything in between, we've simply gotta have it. Money is the root of all evil and the source of all shopping sprees. It puts the socks on our toesies and the bread beneath our butter; keeps us working all day and worrying all night.
They say money can't buy happiness, and that may be true. But the bottoms of my Nike Gel-Cushion Women's Running Shoe sure makes me smile a lot harder than the feeling of stones and glass shards stabbing into my foot.
But I digress.
Even though it's a bummer to have to spend more time with your co-workers than with your family and more Saturday nights flipping burgers than catching the new episode of the Bill Engvall Show, it is what we, as the human race, must endure.
And if we've got to put so much into making money, we should also do our darndest to find ways to hang onto some of it, eh?
Well, agree or don't, but that was my mindset today when I went to the bank to inquire about buying a CD. No, not the kind that makes Lil Wayne money, but the kind that actually makes YOU money. I believe certificate of deposit is the proper term?
In case you are interested, which you must be to have made it this far (I like a proper buildup. I'm a girl, what can I say? ;)) a CD is not going to do you much good nowadays. Typically, you can purchase a CD, which is essentially a loan to the bank for a given period of time (therefore they pay you interest, around 3%, which is better than the interest on most every savings account)and make a few bucks, depending on how much you invest, of course. However, with interest rates plummeting to just over one percent, you'd be better off sticking to your savings account, in most cases.
I also inquired about starting a retirement fund. Aren't you a little young, you might be wondering? Well, yes I am, thank you. But young is the perfect time to start a retirement fund (as starting one at 50 probably won't have the best payoff).
Now, I am FAR from an expert on financial matters, hence why I needed to do a little homework on the matter. Anyway, though, here is a quick summary of what I learned.
When you work full time, most employers offer a 401K, which is a retirement fund. They will usually match your payments into the fund, up to a given percentage of your monthly income. For example, if you pay $300 into the account, your employer will also pay $300 into it, giving you a total deposit of $600. Not too shabby.
You can also invest in an IRA, of which there are a few different kinds, varying on age limits and amounts of tax deductions. An IRA, which stands for Independent Retirement Account, is for those people whose employers do not offer a 401K, or for those who would like to have a second retirement account. Unfortunately for those with IRA's, no one is putting money into the account but them.
Then there are mutual funds. A mutual fund is when you pay a starting sum to a company of people who invest your money in different avenues. They might put some into one stock, some into another stock, and the rest into bonds and real estate. They watch the market for you, and change around your investments as they see fit, with the object being, of course, to make you money. These are not solely retirement accounts, but can be used as such.
The big picture, though, is that it is important to plan for your financial future. Retirees need anywhere from 75-85 percent of their past incomes to continue their previous standard of living, more if they want to travel and such. Only 50 percent of that need comes from social security (saying our generation is even going to receive social security) and pension benefits, and 29 percents comes from "earnings and other sources" (all of this according to a PNC Bank publication). Where's the rest going to come from? That's up to you! (No bank robbing allowed...!)

Tongues

Under
appreciated
undercut
never quite satisfied. Shut down shut out shut
Up and let me drive
Get out while I become
The black mark on these
flawless bed sheets
the color of your
Walls.
Too close beside you
Just right
Beneath you
Beneath you, my tongue swirls joy through your bones
Yours slithers through muck
When we’re alone
Slaps with words like a dirty dish towel
Putrid and stinging,
This heaping mess.

Ripples--article I wrote a few months ago for my journalism class

From sea to shining sea, the words of God according to the Prophet Mohammad are uttered. Scattered amongst the nation’s mountains and valleys are over 2000 Islamic centers, schools, and mosques—places where the Quran, the Holy Book of Islam, is read and studied each day by the estimated seven million Muslims living in the United States.
They work, pray, raise families, live, and die here. They are, in all senses of the word, American. But as the war in the Middle East rages on, so too does the battle here on the home front for acceptance and understanding.
“No one has any right to discriminate because of race, religion, or color,” said Atef Hamed, Imam at the Islamic Center of Pittsburgh located on Bigelow Boulevard in Oakland.
“Even God doesn’t look at your face; he looks into your heart,”Hamed continued.
Unfortunately, however, not all people share this reasoning. Hamed stated that while he is optimistic and sees a lot of improvement in the sentiment toward Muslims, he still experiences prejudice in his daily life.
“If I dress in American-style clothes, many people will smile to my face. But when I dress like an Arab, I get bad looks from the very same people,” he said.
He went on to say that when travelling, he is a frequent selectee for “random,” (said with a scoff) checks of passengers at American airports.
Sultan Ghuman, member of the University of Pittsburgh’s Muslim Student Association, says that he does not feel discriminated against by Pitt students or the University as a whole. However, he does feel that there are many misconceptions amongst non-Muslims about his religion.
“With the way the media hammers Islam by associating every negative piece of news with it, and especially because so many people don’t read but just watch television…I’m not really surprised,” he said.
An informal survey of fifteen Pitt students supported Ghuman’s claim. Of all fifteen students, only five could state three basic facts about the religion of Islam, and only five could identify Mohammed as the prophet of Islam.
Upon being asked to rate their knowledge of the religion on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most knowledgeable, nine students ranked their knowledge at a two, and only one student chose a rating above four.
Milica Bakic-Hayden, professor of Religious Studies here at Pitt, said: “Only education can help overcome the standard prejudice regarding Muslims. People here in America are not aware of the diversity of the Muslim world.”
Hamed, too, feels that the lack of a basic understanding about Islam, even amongst the educated, is the main cause of the prejudices against Muslims that still prevail. He said that the best way to improve attitudes toward Muslims, then, is for people to educate themselves.
“People know who Britney Spears is, but not Mohammed. Who is more important to history?” Hamed said.
The reasons for the lack of information could be endlessly speculated upon, but some potential explanations surfaced in the aforementioned informal survey.
Of fifteen students, only four said that they had either a friend or family member who considered themselves Muslims, and four students said they had done any independent reading or research about Islam. Only one student said that he had learned any information about the religion in a class taken here at Pitt.
Whatever the cause of the rift, many non-Muslim students feel that there is still a ways to go before it is truly healed.
“There is still some racism,” said Jessica Stillman, School of Arts and Sciences student. “Even though not all Muslims are extremists, people still feel hatred towards them.”
Undergraduate student, Amanda Feris, said: “Fixed opinions exist. People have a hard time looking at extremists versus the religion itself and distinguishing the two.”
“As Americans, we sometimes say that if you’re not us, you’re them,” said English Writing major, Sergei Feldman.
Feldman went on to say that things are getting better, with most of the negative feelings being directed toward extremists, in his opinion.
However, those who practice Islam as the peaceful and tolerant religion that most Muslims define it to be are unfortunately still targets of hatred.
According to Imam Hamed, a little over three months ago, during the time of the Gaza conflict, members of the Islamic Center arrived one morning for their 6 a.m. prayers to find the front entrance stairs of the building covered in red paint.
“How could somebody do that in the house of God?” Hamed said of the vandalism, remembering the stunned and hurt feelings he and the other members shared that day.
The Islamic Center never discovered the perpetrator’s identity, but has since picked up the pieces, cleaned up the paint, and moved on with their mission.
“If whoever did it doesn’t agree with what we do—helping kids, raising money—that’s his problem,” said Hemad.
About a month later, just this past February, another incident occurred at Gateway High School in Monroeville.
Two students, Mohammad Al-Abbasi and Ahmad Al-Sadi were told that they were no longer permitted to wear the headscarves traditional to their Arab heritage to school, according to a February 18 article written by Sadie Gurman for the Post Gazette.
The school’s dress code clearly states that “Any headgear worn due to religious beliefs is acceptable.”
According to a Tribune Review article by Karen Zapf published February 19, a group of Jewish students at the school signed a petition expressing their discomfort with the Arab scarves.
The article went on to say that, at Gateway High School, the “tensions between Jewish and Muslim students have been growing for months, and the administration's actions haven't diffused the situation.”
While many non-Muslims are yet to accept Islam and those who practice it fully, steps are being taken every day by organizations and individuals to combat prejudice and reach a level of harmony between Muslims and non-Muslims.
The MSA here at Pitt engages its members in many activities to increase understanding about Islam.
“We host an Islamic Awareness Week on Forbes Avenue Lawn where we provide information with games to overcome misconceptions,” said Melek Yazici, president of the MSA. “We are also thinking of collaborating with Habitat for Humanity for a community project next semester.”
The group tries to promote acceptance right down to its very make-up, according to Yazici. “Anyone can become a member of the Association; being Muslim is not a prerequisite. We welcome people from any religion or background, as we believe diversity is a vital part of our organization.”
Pitt is also becoming more accommodating to diversity, as the University has recently allowed the MSA to create a prayer room, which is located in room 301 of the William Pitt Union.
The room is very useful to Muslims due to their obligatory daily prayers, said Yazici, but is not limited to Muslim usage.
“We welcome every student on campus to use the room if they are looking for a quiet place to meditate or pray,” she said.
The Islamic Center is also playing a large part in educating the community about Islam and bringing diverse groups of people together. It serves not only as a mosque for Muslim individuals, but as a place of learning for all.
Recently, the Center has started a class about Islam that it will offer weekly, according to Hamed. The class focuses on the history of Islam and its teachings, and also attempts to answer any questions that students may have about the religion in general, said Hamed.
He said that the first class proved to be encouraging, adding that there were about 7-10 students present, only one of whom was Muslim.
“We feel like it’s our duty to educate people,” he said, adding that oftentimes, internet research can be misleading and generally unhelpful to those who want to learn more about Islam.
He went on to say that perhaps the most important function of the Islamic Center, in addition to educating the public, is teaching people to hold on to their Islamic heritage and instill in their children the teachings of the faith.
“This place is very different from a mosque in, say, Egypt, because here, Muslims face a lot of challenges in maintaining their Islamic identity.”
Professor Hayden stressed that although challenges are plentiful for Muslims in America, it is important to remember that misconceptions are a mutual problem.
“In many Muslim countries, they have a simplistic and often distorted picture of ‘Americans’, who are seen through films and other popular media, or judged by the politics of their leaders,” said Hayden.
For those Muslims in America who do want to work toward a better relationship with non-Muslims, however, hope abounds for the future.
Feris said “I guess this is kind of idealistic, but I hope to see people accepting others for who they are instead of basing opinions on the actions of a small group.”
Hemad stressed that while he feels more accepted in Pittsburgh than he did in the suburb where he once lived, the prejudices and misconceptions that he continues to see are very frustrating.
“One fifth of the world’s population is Muslim—we have got to learn to coexist,” Hamed said. “I’m not here to kill anyone.”

Making Babies

"I love that name so much, I want to make babies with it. Little half-human, half-word babies."

"sit in reverie, and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind"

High Fructose Corn Syrup

I don't write nearly enough anymore. I might be a little rusty. I have, however, had an excellent breakfast, which I'm positive will fuel me in the right direction.

So here goes nothing...and anything.