I think I need a cat

I write a lot in the realm of philosophy, and love to expand my mind by exploring areas not made of everyday matter.

But sometimes, I have to wonder about other things--areas that daily elude and admittedly frustrate me.

I have been single for a short time--miniscule, actually--but I'm already getting the sense that "the game" is not merely a phrase, but an actuality.

From what I have found in my attempt to thwart the affections of guys whose attentions I am either unready for or undesiress of, guys love when you are, quite frankly, a complete bitch.

I am usually, dare I say it, a pretty sweet person. I love making people happy, even at my own expense. Yet it seems that, particularly in relationships, this is the ultimate coup de grace. It is a trait that gets you not only nowhere, but less than that. It gets you unappreciated, and treated badly, often which, for people like me, causes an even greater attempt to make the other person happy, due to the unignorable awareness of their unhappiness. All of this leading to heartbreak.

Am I pathetic? It hurts me that I feel the need to ponder this question in the least. How...why...in what world should it be pathetic to be a genuine and caring person? I'm not saying that I have no backbone--I do. I stand up for myself; no, Mama didn't raise no fool. I just simply like doing nice things. I like being able to tell my significant other how I feel about them. I enjoy surprising him by doing little things to make his life a bit easier every so often.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, and "love out loud," as they say. I feel things deeply, see beyond the exterior, appreciate quirky traits that could easily go unnoticed. I don't hold anything back, and yes, sometimes I like to tell him that the smell of his skin gives me butterflies.

Is this wrong?

Apparently so. Apparently, in fact, it is the complete opposite of what guys actually want. Strange as it seems, and perhaps unbeknownst to them, they like it rough. Really rough.

When guys talk to me now, I don't exactly welcome it. I simply don't need or care for it right now. And yet, this is exactly the fuel to their fires!

Am I simply dealing with some really immature guys...or is this a built-in flaw to the "dating game," because if so, excuse my french, but fuck it.

I can't stand the thought that I should have to purposely and willfully attempt to be less than who I am and who I want to be for a guy. Is it too much to ask that there be some guy out there who I can actually (gasp!) be nice to? And who might appreciate it and do it back?

I don't want a perfect relationship--that would be boring. I'm not going for a June Cleaver sort of thing (gag). I know it's tough to make it work with someone, and that's what makes it rewarding at the end of the day. But why does it have to be cut-throat, strategic, and so full of bull-shit?

Why do nice girls finish last? Or, have I simply not reached the finish line yet...?