I feel like poo today.
First of all, my contacts are not the correct prescription and are annoying the ever-loving crap out of me like nothing has annoyed me before. Well...that is a lie. I'm sure things have annoyed me worse, or at least just as bad.
In keeping with the spirit of being agitated, peeved and/or experiencing a ruffling of one's tail feathers, I am going to make a rare exception on my blog.
I am going to write a post that is inherently negative. Not in an artsy, brooding sense. Just negative. Just full of poop.
Typically i don't like to do this because I don't want to encourage negativity in myself or others, and quite frankly, who really wants to read something with "poo" in the title? I mean, it's a small miracle you've made it this far.
Since Christmas is right around the corner and we all know that Christmas requires cheer at any expense, let us take this opportunity to really give misery one last hoorah before we officially become jolly.
So here it is, my
LIST OF SHIT THAT BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE POO:
-contacts that do not work, and cause one to appear lazy when one avoids doing work at all costs because it gives one an awful headache, causing one's day to feel ruinous.
-the smell of broccoli.
-people who don't know how to drive. Particularly Pittsburgh drivers. Way too timid--be a little more aggressive. When the speed limit says 65, it does not actually mean 40...it obviously means 80. And you people who slow down instead of speed up when you reach an on-ramp, I'm definitely talkin' to YOU TOO.
-doing dishes. looking at dishes in the sink. smelling dishes in the sink. knowing dishes exist in the sink as I hide from said dishes in my bedroom wishing they would just disappear.
-being forced to wake up early.
-people past the age of six who cannot spell and/or use proper and correct grammar.
-southerners. the war is over. you LOST. we WON. now get over it, ya'll.
-people who regularly watch sports of any kind that they do not themselves actually play, or have not actually played in the past.
-ethnocentrism
-CIGARETTES, drugs. sorry if you look down on me for disliking these items. but my vice is food and I prefer to keep it that way.
-chauvinism
-people who live in the USA but constantly talk about how awful it is to live in the USA. no one is forcing you to stay here, bucco. in fact, you should probably go try to live somewhere where you have no freedoms and where your children can't walk outside your own front door without fear of being shot at from a tank. please, feel free to leave, I'll get a good chuckle out of it, and I looove me a good chuckle.
-whorebags
-whorebags
-whorebags
-when anyone, including myself, does not live up to their full potential in life
But, after all of this is said and done, let me just tell you all one thing that I absolutely, positively, love love love and ADORE:
...YOU!
Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Whatever the Hell Tom Cruise celebrates
Much love. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?
First of all, my contacts are not the correct prescription and are annoying the ever-loving crap out of me like nothing has annoyed me before. Well...that is a lie. I'm sure things have annoyed me worse, or at least just as bad.
In keeping with the spirit of being agitated, peeved and/or experiencing a ruffling of one's tail feathers, I am going to make a rare exception on my blog.
I am going to write a post that is inherently negative. Not in an artsy, brooding sense. Just negative. Just full of poop.
Typically i don't like to do this because I don't want to encourage negativity in myself or others, and quite frankly, who really wants to read something with "poo" in the title? I mean, it's a small miracle you've made it this far.
Since Christmas is right around the corner and we all know that Christmas requires cheer at any expense, let us take this opportunity to really give misery one last hoorah before we officially become jolly.
So here it is, my
LIST OF SHIT THAT BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE POO:
-contacts that do not work, and cause one to appear lazy when one avoids doing work at all costs because it gives one an awful headache, causing one's day to feel ruinous.
-the smell of broccoli.
-people who don't know how to drive. Particularly Pittsburgh drivers. Way too timid--be a little more aggressive. When the speed limit says 65, it does not actually mean 40...it obviously means 80. And you people who slow down instead of speed up when you reach an on-ramp, I'm definitely talkin' to YOU TOO.
-doing dishes. looking at dishes in the sink. smelling dishes in the sink. knowing dishes exist in the sink as I hide from said dishes in my bedroom wishing they would just disappear.
-being forced to wake up early.
-people past the age of six who cannot spell and/or use proper and correct grammar.
-southerners. the war is over. you LOST. we WON. now get over it, ya'll.
-people who regularly watch sports of any kind that they do not themselves actually play, or have not actually played in the past.
-ethnocentrism
-CIGARETTES, drugs. sorry if you look down on me for disliking these items. but my vice is food and I prefer to keep it that way.
-chauvinism
-people who live in the USA but constantly talk about how awful it is to live in the USA. no one is forcing you to stay here, bucco. in fact, you should probably go try to live somewhere where you have no freedoms and where your children can't walk outside your own front door without fear of being shot at from a tank. please, feel free to leave, I'll get a good chuckle out of it, and I looove me a good chuckle.
-whorebags
-whorebags
-whorebags
-when anyone, including myself, does not live up to their full potential in life
But, after all of this is said and done, let me just tell you all one thing that I absolutely, positively, love love love and ADORE:
...YOU!
Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Whatever the Hell Tom Cruise celebrates
Much love. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?
I like this. I wonder what that says about me.
ReplyDeleteThank you. i wonder what it says about me that you are worried what it says about you...?
ReplyDelete