I feel like you're still here, until I know you aren't. I wish you were still here. I've lost my biggest heart.

When I look at pictures of her, my heart wants to break through the walls
of my chest
and my eyes wet as if
I might clean her absence away.
The pictures
bring to mind
all I have lost
all I have
never given, never will be able to
give.

They speak athousand
yesterdays
and wishes for tomorrows
and stab me,
slow and
deep
as if to remind me;
whisper in my ear...
yell in my face...
slap
awake my desperate,
hopeless,
empty gutters
and nick away at my restless
sleep.
 
I'll always keep your pictures
but looking at them will never feel
like anything less
than death.