Engineering Humor...because those two words go so well together.

‎"A pessimist will tell you the glass is half empty; an optimist will tell you the glass is half full; an engineer will tell you the glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

Civil engineers build targets, but mechanical engineers build weapons. (ME pride :D)

What is said followed by What it means


A number of different approaches are being tried. We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.

An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem. We just hired three guys... We'll let them kick it around for a while.

Developed after years of intensive research. It was discovered by accident.

Modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties. We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch.

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

Test results were extremely gratifying. It works, and boy are we surprised !

The design will be finalized in the next reporting period. We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.

The entire concept is unworkable. The only guy who understood the thing just quit.

We need close project coordination. We should have asked someone else.

Alternate: Let's spread the responsibility for this.



Top Ten Reasons To Date an Engineer


The world does revolve around us... We pick the coordinate system.

Find out what those other buttons on your calculator do.

We know how to handle stress and strain in our relationships.

Parents will approve.

Help with your math homework.

Can calculate head pressure.

Looks good on a resume.

Free body diagrams.

High starting salary.

Extremely good looking
 

from http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/Engineer.html

Or will that just make it steal away my breathing doubly as fast?

Sometimes it seems
as though
the clock ticks simply
to spite me

as the hands muddle through
the muck imposed
by my trying glance
my
futile glance.

Smugly
I remove its batteries
and try as I might
to hide them
in my pocket
still, my hair turns gray

...I think that perhaps
I'll break that clock in two.

Maybe

Maybe the art of living is knowing how to balance the mindset that you have forever with the mindset that today is all you've got.

I'd love to say hi to you again.

I remember the arches of her feet,
high and
graceful;
high
and
empty;
high,
and tracing outlines of insoles,
clicky heels,
so high and black.

And now she's high
and dissipated
against/throughout/within
the blue and grayest
skies,
she's high
so I
still wear her shoes
to keep her memory
walking.

Drowning

In the rain,
some drops you see
some drops you feel
some others
sound
their pitter-pats across the world,
so far
that you might never know that they were here,
not here, nor there,
but all
have come
and gone.

Does the rain really cleanse anything away, or just hide it beneath a drowning river?

It's raining today.
The water trickles down the street-sides,
gently tugging at
lethargic leaves
that don't know the difference
between stay and go.

The window cries onto
my pane
and drips the muck of washless days.
My heart is searching
for something real
outside, between the grungy lines.

I call out to you.
Both.
Alive, or dead,
I get no response,

The way that raindrops fall and melt
into the ground
with no remorse or
absolution.

Reach out to touch them,
once or twice,
they'll shatter in your palm.

Luck

It is believed by some that finding a ladybug nearby or say, on your arm, is a sign of good luck to come.

Today, I looked at my shoulder, and what was sitting there?

...A stink bug.

Ay me.