A Listy-List

I seem to have a new-found "thing" with making ongoing lists on my blog so, what the hay, here's another.

I shall deem thee, henceforth, my list of all-time favorite songs of...well...all...time.

I don't just mean songs I enjoy.  Or songs I really, really like. No, not necessarily even songs that I love.  This list is dedicated to only those songs that I find totally irreplaceable and which always have held and always will hold a warm, cushy spot in my heart, just for them.

MMmmm yummy. Let's begin. And in no particular order they are...

1.) Always Be My Baby--Mariah Carey

There is nothing I could be doing that I will not immediately drop to start belting this song at the top of my lungs.  Like...forever.  It will always be my baby (sorry, I had to).

2.) 100 Years--Five For Fighting

I can think of very few songs as touching and all-encompassing as this one.  If a song was a tangible thing, some glowing, warm little trinket that could be held in the palm of one's hand and cherished or given as a gift to someone oh-so special, I'd give this song to all of the kids in my family to grow up listening to and holding in their little hands until they gracefully reach 100 years and know what it's all about.

3.) Remember When--Alan Jackson

This song is along the same lines as 100 Years, though still very unique and special to me.  What 100 Years is to the individual, I'd say this song is to the couple.  It so beautifully attempts to capture a life and a love in the lyrics and melody of a song, and I would offer that it does a pretty damn good job.  Makes me long to live it out in my own way.

4.) Man in the Mirror-Michael Jackson

First of all. If you have a problem with Michael Jackson...I'm going to go ahead and say I have a problem with you.  He was an amazing man with about as kind, conscientious, and empathetic a heart as ever there was on this Earth.  I feel he was terribly misrepresented and misunderstood.  But back to the song.  This song is just one of his many calls to action for each of us to, essentially, be better people--to love more and give more and care more.  Music is a powerful, universal and far-reaching tool, and to use it in such a noble way, not to mention with such a rockin' beat (makes me wanna dance EVERY time), well that gains my respect and a place on my top songs of all time list :)

5.) The Way You Make Me Feel-Michael Jackson

I physically cannot NOT dance when this song is playing.

6.) In My Head--Jason Derulo

For years I have wondered when i would finally get sick of this song, and I finally know the answer to my question: NEVER. Dancey dance dance WOOO!

7.) Who I Am--Jessica Andrews

I am Edna's granddaughter...and when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan.  It's all a part of me, and that's who I am.  Totally relate-able and inspiring.

8.) Light in Your Eyes--Sheryl Crow

9.) The Good Stuff--Kenny Chesney 

I feel like poo.

I feel like poo today.

First of all, my contacts are not the correct prescription and are annoying the ever-loving crap out of me like nothing has annoyed me before.  Well...that is a lie.  I'm sure things have annoyed me worse, or at least just as bad.

In keeping with the spirit of being agitated, peeved and/or experiencing a ruffling of one's tail feathers, I am going to make a rare exception on my blog.

I am going to write a post that is inherently negative.  Not in an artsy, brooding sense.  Just negative.  Just full of poop.

Typically i don't like to do this because I don't want to encourage negativity in myself or others, and quite frankly, who really wants to read something with "poo" in the title? I mean, it's a small miracle you've made it this far.

Since Christmas is right around the corner and we all know that Christmas requires cheer at any expense, let us take this opportunity to really give misery one last hoorah before we officially become jolly.

So here it is, my

LIST OF SHIT THAT BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE POO:

-contacts that do not work, and cause one to appear lazy when one avoids doing work at all costs because it gives one an awful headache, causing one's day to feel ruinous.

-the smell of broccoli.

-people who don't know how to drive.  Particularly Pittsburgh drivers.  Way too timid--be a little more aggressive.  When the speed limit says 65, it does not actually mean 40...it obviously means 80.  And you people who slow down instead of speed up when you reach an on-ramp, I'm definitely talkin' to YOU TOO.

-doing dishes. looking at dishes in the sink.  smelling dishes in the sink.  knowing dishes exist in the sink as I hide from said dishes in my bedroom wishing they would just disappear.

-being forced to wake up early.

-people past the age of six who cannot spell and/or use proper and correct grammar.

-southerners.  the war is over.  you LOST. we WON. now get over it, ya'll.

-people who regularly watch sports of any kind that they do not themselves actually play, or have not actually played in the past.

-ethnocentrism

-CIGARETTES, drugs. sorry if you look down on me for disliking these items.  but my vice is food and I prefer to keep it that way.

-chauvinism

-people who live in the USA but constantly talk about how awful it is to live in the USA.  no one is forcing you to stay here, bucco.  in fact, you should probably go try to live somewhere where you have no freedoms and where your children can't walk outside your own front door without fear of being shot at from a tank.  please, feel free to leave, I'll get a good chuckle out of it, and I looove me a good chuckle.

-whorebags
-whorebags
-whorebags

-when anyone, including myself, does not live up to their full potential in life


But, after all of this is said and done, let me just tell you all one thing that I absolutely, positively, love love love and ADORE:

...YOU!

Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Whatever the Hell Tom Cruise celebrates

Much love. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?

More Happiness

Almost two years ago, I started what I hoped to make into a continuous post on my blog, and that post was about what, essentially, happiness is made of.  I asked a bunch of people who I thought might have interesting answers their take on the path to happiness--what traits, activities, or mindsets make a person more predisposed to living a life of true bliss, at least for the most part!

I posted my own personal response on my blog, followed by the responses of  a few great friends, and I feel all of our answers were marvelous suggestions to the eternal puzzle of true happiness and what makes up its foundation. Here is the LINK:

Happiness

I was so appreciative of the folks who provided (incredibly wonderful) answers to my question, but, disappointingly, there were only a small few.

I am going to try to jump-start this conversation once again, because the topic is important and moving and life-changing and hey--maybe it will reveal a piece of your puzzle that's been hiding right beneath your nose all along.  We can all help each other with our own suggestions, and each of us can learn from another, as well.  Even if you don't see fit to adopt any suggestions into your own life, some little nugget may just open up another corner of your mind, because being open to new ideas and perspectives is a virtue in itself. 

Be mindful of one of my very FAVORITE quotes of all time, by Aristotle: "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

So who wants to be a guest star on the ol' blog?  I will specifically ask some people, but anyone and everyone is welcome to send me a response.  Just send whatever you'd like to add to this discussion to my email (or in a Facebook message if you so choose)!

Jstreussnig@zoho.com

And again, here is the link to my original post for background and inspiration:

Happiness

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AND HERE ARE THE FABULOUS RESPONSES! THANK YOU TO ALL PARTICIPANTS--I HOPE TO INCORPORATE YOUR WISDOM INTO MY LIFE.

"'The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being.”

-  Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

It sounds oh-so-cliché, but the first thing that comes to my mind when I think about happiness is love.  For me, you cannot have true love or true happiness without the other.  Now, having a significant other is not the only way to experience this.  Just having someone who cares is enough.  The feeling that you matter to someone.  Love unconditionally and, in turn, unconditional happiness will follow.  This provokes the on-going question of what love means, but I digress. 

I have been searching for happiness my entire life, but I consciously put effort to the cause about 4 years ago after my father died.  I feel like I am finally starting to make progress in my life-long quest to finding the answer. 

I feel the most full and satisfied (or happy) when I have all of my shit together, for lack of better words.  Now, of course no one can ever have everything all together entirely, but you know, for the most part.  A balance is required.  Focus on every aspect of your life instead of fully devoting yourself to one little part.  When you focus on one thing and neglect the rest, the rest starts to deteriorate until nothing is left.  My life parts consist of my family, friends, relationship, dog, work, and school.  More often than not, people our age will put all of their energy into their relationship with their significant other, and that’s not horrible or anything, but there needs to be a sort of balance.  Same goes for focusing on some other aspect like school or work.  All of these things are of equal importance (to me at least). I believe that when there is a balance, there is happiness.

I have experienced times in my life where I think “This is it.  This is how it’s supposed to be.”  That’s when I know I am truly happy, if only for a moment.  For example, the last time I can consciously remember was over the summer.  It was late in July, and my friends and I were gathered in Hannah’s back yard for a bonfire.  The night sky was beautiful, the weather was perfect, and I yearned for nothing.  I was surrounded by people I love, and there was such a positive aura surrounding us.  I wasn’t worried about anything; I was only happy.  I know that’s a really simple example, but happiness can genuinely be as simple as that. 

As Andy Warhol once said, “You have to be willing to get happy about nothing'."

--Alaina Elias, Civil Engineering student at the University of Pittsburgh and Civil Engineering Co-op at Westinghouse Electric Company

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"Eventually, there is a breakdown. It's usually over something little, like a criticism, or forgetting to pay my bills on time, or maybe it's something bigger... a death in the family, rejection, or fear. Sometimes it takes something truly vile and dark to open your eyes to what beauty you may have been missing, and for me, that came in a college course, through the words of Viktor Frankl:

'Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.'

I'll admit it, I am one of those people who believe quotes can change lives. Frankl wrote this in his memoir Man's Search for Meaning, his personal philosophy and psychology, after being held prisoner in a concentration camp for many years. With his philosophy, he was able to overcome so much pain, reiterating how the only way out is 'through.'

Once I began to understand that I was only a prisoner of my mind, my self-destructive behavior, medications, and therapy all stopped. There are millions of things in this world that we are unable to control, but sometimes we forget about the one thing we have absolute control over: our reactions. Maybe it's not as easy as waking up everyday and telling yourself it's going to be a great day, but then again -- maybe, it is.

For me, happiness is a choice, and it starts with each moment."


--Cassandra Pierce, Psychology student at the University of Pittsburgh

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"As for my reply the short answer would have to be a sense of purpose and love, in which ever order suites you. To feel as if you've accomplished something and to have a sense of purpose for the moment and for the moments to come puts life into perspective, I feel. It makes it easier to wake up the next day and try try try again and thus increases one's level of happiness. And to have love makes it all worth while. It doesn't have to be the romantic love we fantisize on the silver screen or in our own imaginiations, but even as simple as loving oneself can make or break the experience that is life. To love what you do and how you do it makes the accomplishment taste all the more sweet and the sweat you put into achieving that purose worth the effort. To quote the beautiful musical Moulin Rouge, 'love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love'."

-Tisha Farris, University of Pittsburgh graduate with Bachelors degree in Environmental Studies and Yogini at Santa Fe Community Yoga Center

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"The first thing that came to my mind, was Self-Worth. Having low self-esteem most of my life created a spiral of unhappiness. Realizing my self-worth (which came from finding success in life) changed my entire outlook on life.

Secondly... acceptance. I suppose for me, acceptance strongly correlates with satisfaction. I mean this in an absolutely positive way. I learned to accept that certain things weren't going to go my way, or certain people weren't going change, or certain memories would always be painful--- this led me to remove myself from the hurtful people, situations and problems that I could. I accepted defeats and failures-- and because I knew that I had tried everything in my power, I was satisfied with the outcome. Maybe not happy ... or sad... but satisfied.

Kind of like the serenity prayer, 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference'."

-Melanie Steuernagel

Special Education Teacher at Derry Area Senior High School and mommy of one Aubrey Rose Steuernagel

My Bucket List--Past, Present, and Future

I had a bucket list growing up, and I have since lost it.  However, I remember a lot of what was on it, and I have plenty of new things to add, so here is the new one.  I will add to this as I think of things and accomplish things!  Also, afterward I will list what I have accomplished so far.

My Bucket List

• Spend New Year's Eve in Times Square
• Ride a hot air balloon
• Get a book published
• Get some of my poetry published
• Get a photograph published
• Get something published in a respected magazine (The New Yorker, etc.)
• Try surfing
• Learn to speak Spanish (or whatever language other than English) fluently
• Take a cooking class
• Take ballroom dancing class
• Live with Amish people for at least three consecutive days
• Drive on the Odoban
• Go inside the Tower of London
• Go white-water rafting
• Go inside the Statue of Liberty
• Go to Ellis Island
• Join the Mile High club ;)
• See the Mona Lisa in person
• Go to the Sistine Chapel
• See the Great Wall of China
• Take a ghost tour in Gettysburg
• Go to California--San Francisco and Golden Gate Bridge
• Take a singing class
• Model in an ad
• Be on T.V.
• See the Vatican
• Go to a psychic
• Be in a movie with a speaking part
• Get hypnotized
• Live in a brownstone in New York City
• Make my family tree
• Kiss a complete stranger and walk away, never saying a word
• Smoke peyote in the desert
• Make a documentary and enter it in a competition
• See London, Paris, Africa, Tokyo, Italy (Calabria and Venice), Germany
• See concentration camps in Germany
• Set foot in all fifty states
• Go to Disneyland
• Volunteer somewhere regularly
• Volunteer in a foreign country
• Get a word in the dictionary
• Sell my artwork, to a stranger
• Invent something and get a patent for it
• Read poetry at the Bowery
• Succeed at spoken word
• Go to a cafe in Amsterdam
• Paint a mural
• Go to a fashion show
• Ice skate at Rockefeller Center
• See the Rockettes
• Go to a murder mystery dinner
• Have an art exhibit in New York City
• Go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Take ghost tour while there.
• Buy stocks
• Watch "The Way We Were," It's a Wonderful Life," and Gone With the Wind."
• Sing "Oh Holy Night" at church on Christmas Eve while my family is there
• Hang out with really famous people--NOT politicians or athletes.
• Live in a foreign country for more than a month
• Give a lecture
• Teach a class
• Try food from as many countries as I possibly can
• Run a 1/2 marathon
• Ride a jet ski
• Be in a commercial
• Dance in the Nutcracker
• Buy everyone in my family something expensive they want
• Talk to a prostitute about her life
• Karaoke alone
• Learn to bartend
• Go to some sort of Michael Jackson event
• See the Pyramids in Egypt
• Graduate college
• Go to all continents

Some of what I have accomplished (in a rush--will add more later)

• Work at Victoria's Secret
• Go to the top of the Empire State Building
• Go to the top of the Sear's Tower
• Have an art exhibit of my own
• Get my artwork published
• Have my very own dog
• Read my poetry at an open mic
• Work at Westinghouse
• Learn to Waitress
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen
• Watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
• Learn to drive a stick
• Try wakeboarding
• Learn to snowboard
• Compete in gymnastics
• Write for my college newspaper
• Go to the south (Tennessee!)
• See Chicago
• See New York City

TO BE CONTINUED :D

It's not something I really want to face. But there was dirt on my face, and I put it there. My knees gave out, I couldn't stand. I couldn't stand anything at all.

I had a nightmare

and it lasted for days.

It came to a head this weekend, and I thought I'd never escape.  I grabbed my hair and screamed; I pinched myself and punched myself and smacked my head against white-washed concrete, but I couldn't wake up. I still had dirt under my fingernails just yesterday from clawing the ground (they're painted red, now), digging for what I'm not sure.  Maybe I was digging for Hell because even that would have been better than the macabre reality I was stuck in the middle of like a poor, helpless fly in a spider's web.  But I felt smaller than a fly.  I felt smaller than the smallest thing, yet I held enough terror inside me to drown a city.

He screamed at me and slammed the car door, and the glass didn't shatter but my insides did. Tears unleashed but they did no good this time--didn't soften his angry heart, and I shouted at him through the night to please get back in so we could go home.  Our home was a twisted and gnarled mirror, a contorted funhouse reflection (though not so fun) of what it used to be or what it could have been or what it should have been, or a little bit of each.

My happiness laughed at me, an evil, scornful laugh as it hung in the air above his head, just out of my reach,  black and choking me where once it had slid down easily as honey in warm tea.  It mocked me now, my happiness, and I chased it, wild and frantic, with the car but could never catch up, not even close.  He got back in and took the wheel, and the car jerked and swayed and my stomach wretched--he was drunk.

And I screamed like I was inside a glass bubble and he ignored me like he was outside the bubble and I tried to jump out of the speeding car, but he caught me. I told him that I wanted to die and he coolly told me "no," that I didn't want to die, but for the first time in awhile, I felt it was my only true escape.

He talked to my ex over text as the car ripped and roared and winded, too fast and not always in our lane, down back roads I'd probably known before but in my haze could not recognize.  I couldn't look in the mirror--I wouldn't recognize her either.  I could feel my skin turning read, the chaffing tears were digging ravines in my pretty little cheeks, and the nightmare went on.

They talked and I didn't know what it was about.  "What are you talking about?" I asked him, my stomach clenched in utter regret and turmoil for living the last five years of my life at all.  "Why?" he asked with a caustic attitude, "you scared I'm gonna find something out?" 

The acid inside me boiled; we were out of the car and we were back in it.  My phone was thrown on the pavement, hard, twice, by some girl who had once been me, and I hoped I'd never have to look at it again, the thing that seemed to ruin my world, flip it upside down and shake it until I couldn't recognize a single detail.  I wanted to throw up.  I was going to throw up.  My stomach heaved, again and again, but I couldn't exorcise the upset inside.  I'd have to keep it wrapped in viscera, waiting there, wet and warm and throbbing, anxious to seize upon and strangle whatever future joy I might think I've found between nightmares.

Hell is probably a place on earth, and it's not just for bad people.  Seated at the right hand of the devil, stabbed and burnt, is all of us, waiting and hoping and praying that we might wake up.